The war on balls – and how to win it

How to win the war America is waging against your balls? Ditch the boxer briefs and skinny jeans.

You’ve heard of the war on Christmas – but that’s all a hoax to distract us from the real secret war in America. They’re after your balls, men. You know, them.

Ever wonder why the family jewels are housed outside your body? Neither did I. But, it turns out there’s a reason we leave the boys hanging, so to speak.

Your dangly bits need a cooler temperature than is readily found inside or close to the body in order to produce healthy sperm in large numbers. If the boys are allowed to hang loose, they stay cool. If you keep them bunched up close to your body, they warm up and your salmon don’t swim upstream so good.

Translation: Wearing boxer briefs and possibly even skinny jeans can decrease your sperm count, lower their motility and reduce the total volume of your ejaculate. Believe me or not, this has actually been backed up by several different scientific studies.

Will boxer briefs kill all your sperm? No.

Can you use boxer briefs as a form of contraception? NO.

Will your balls be happier if you stop cramming them up against your taint? Yes.

 

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